


Is it him or me?

by hyungwonho



Series: Do you know the way I feel about you? [2]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Porn, Best Friends, Blow Jobs, Bottom Lee Hoseok | Wonho, Boyfriends, Drinking, HyungWonho - Freeform, Lee Hoseok - Freeform, M/M, One Shot, Smut, Top Yoo Kihyun, chae hyungwon - Freeform, cursing, implied cheating kinda but it was not cheating but i'll put it anyways just in case, kiho, kpop, monsta x - Freeform, self deprication, yoo kihyun - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-20 22:49:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21064481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyungwonho/pseuds/hyungwonho
Summary: {Where Kihyun finds out his boyfriend slept with his best friend.}





	Is it him or me?

A month has gone by ever since Wonho and Kihyun got back together and they seemed to be doing good. Everyone was happy for them, peace had finally come back to their dorm and everything was back to normal. Even Hyungwon, he knew that the best way to cope with everything that had happened was to quickly go back to the mindset he had before everything with Hoseok happened. Their friendship was intact, Hyungwon was glad, and even though his mind sometimes wandered back to that night he was feeling relatively good. 

The comeback did great, they didn't get a win though, which made them a bit heartbroken, but they knew next time they would get it. 

Kihyun was a bit pissed, he really wanted them to get a #1 and he was mad at themselves for not doing good enough. In their dressing room, Hoseok was crying his eyes out. He sat down next to him and rubbed his head against his shoulder to get some kind of affection, but Kihyun stayed motionless and just whispered "let's do better next time". He slowly stood up because he didn't want Wonho to get offended by his lack of affection, he was actually trying hard not to upset the boy, and went to the bathroom. 

Hyungwon, who was outside when all of this happened, entered the room and sat down next to Hoseok. The older quickly cuddled to his side and Hyungwon smiled and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. When Kihyun came back out and sat on his other side Shownu was saying some words, wrapping up the promotions. They all clapped lightly, promising to work better next time but still happy and pleased about their work this past weeks. Kihyun had calmed down and he beamed up a little when Changkyun proposed they went out for drinks to celebrate. 

-

Hoseok didn't like drinking, most of the times he refused even light drinks. Due to this his alcohol tolerance was very low and when he drank continuously, like today, he got drunk very quickly. 

"I love you..." He whispers against Kihyun’s neck who was a little bit tipsy himself. 

"I love you too." He answers with a smile, his hand running up and down his back as they swayed left and right between the other dancing bodies. "Let me get us more drinks, I'll be right back."

"I c-can't keep on drinking, wack." He said putting his tongue out. 

"Just one more." Kihyun says and walks away.

Hoseok flops down on one of the stools at the bar, face hiding in between his crossed arms, when he feels a hand on his shoulder. 

"Baby?" He says looking up with a smile. 

Hyungwon's heart skips a beat at the pet name. His mind wanders and for a moment he imagines a reality where those words are directed towards him but he immediately shakes his head to get rid of the thought. 

"I'm sorry. I thought you were Ki." Hoseok says in between giggles and the younger's heart sinks low on his chest, ouch. 

"I just came to check up on you. You seem wasted."

"Yeah... I feel nauseous. But Kihyun wants us to get another drink so I’m w-waiting for him." Hyungwon frowns at the statement, ever since they got back together Hoseok has been extra clingy and submissive towards the other.

"Hmmm, I think you should go home actually." 

"Maybe, but I have to wait for him." Hyungwon sighs and runs a hand down his face. Hoseok doesn't deserve this. "Let's dance Wonie." He stands up between stumbles and Hyungwon quickly grabs his arm. 

"Hoseok..." 

"Let's go!" 

He pulls the skinny man closer to the dance floor and wraps his arms around his neck. He starts swaying his hips side to side along with the beat and Hyungwon can't help but let go and move along with him. Hoseok keeps on stumbling and tightening his grip on Hyungwon’s body to stop himself from falling until he's completely pressed to him and hugging him close. Hyungwon hopes he can't feel his pounding heart. 

"Hyung... won..." 

"What's wrong?" But he gets no answer, they just keep on dancing, and he doesn't ask again because he's scared of what could come out of the older's mouth in the state he's in. 

Soon after Kihyun approaches them, two more drinks in hand, Hyungwon slowly detaches himself from the older. 

"I don't think he should drink more, you know he doesn't handle it well. He should go home, he's gonna be a mess tomorrow." 

"Baby!" Hoseok exclaims clinging on to the smaller man when he sees him. 

"I wanted to stay for a little longer though." Kihyun says answering Hyungwon. "But you can go ahead." He says towards the two. 

"N-no, I’ll wait for you." Kihyun smiles with satisfaction but it quickly vanishes when he catches Hyungwon’s disappointed look and how he rolls his eyes before walking away. Was he being selfish? 

"Let's dance." Hoseok says stumbling towards the dance floor, pulling him lightly by the wrist. 

-

"Y-you looked so good tonight." Hoseok says against Kihyun’s mouth as the smaller tries to open the door to their dorm. He's still pretty drunk after one or two more drinks, the others left hours ago. 

"You too, you always look good." Kihyun answers finally twisting the knob. He looks around first, to see if any of the members are awake or in the living room. "Coast clear." He whispers pulling Hoseok in and closing the entrance, he instantly pushes the older against the door and kisses him hungrily. 

"B-baby..." Hoseok says feeling kisses and bites along his neck, bending it so Kihyun has more space. "Take me to the bed." Kihyun complies immediately. 

The stumble towards their bedroom and as soon as they close the door Hoseok wraps his arms around Kihyun's neck to kiss him again. The smaller man grabs him by the waist and walks backwards to sit on the bed. Hoseok climbs up his body and sits on his calves straddling his lap. Kihyun's hands roam up his back under his shirt and then he lightly runs his nails down. Hoseok lets out a moan of pleasure. 

"Hmm, Imma g-get down." He mumbles and kneels on the floor, hands quickly undoing the smaller's pants. 

"H-hoseok..." He moans when the other man takes out his member. 

"Call me pretty." Hoseok asks moving his hand up and down the other's length. 

"W-what?" Kihyun asks, unfamiliar with the request. "You know you are, I don't need to remind you." He runs his hand briefly through his hair and Hoseok purrs. 

"But it's nice... It was good, I liked it." Hoseok replies, Kihyun looks at him confused but just when when he’s about to ask what Hoseok means the older takes his member into his mouth. Kihyun's mind goes blank as he throws his head back in pleasure. "Damn it." He groans, his hand going back to Hoseok's hair to pull lightly on it. 

"Am I doing a good job?" Hoseok asks pulling away with wide eyes. 

"Y-yes, yes, keep going!" Kihyun urges and Hoseok goes back to work, he stays there for a couple more minutes until Kihyun speaks again. "I'm coming, pull out." Hoseok obeys. "Come here." 

Kihyun moves up the bed and Hoseok climbs up his body as the smaller man takes off his shirt. He starts undressing himself then, and helps Kihyun off his pants and underwear. When they're both naked Hoseok goes down to kiss Kihyun and rubs himself against the other's member. Kihyun fumbles with the drawer until he finds their small bottle of lube. 

They exchange positions so Kihyun can prep him properly. Hoseok takes one, then two, then three fingers easily; eyes closed in pleasure, moans escaping his lips and his arms thrown over his face to cover up his flustered face. 

"I think you're ready. Do you want me like this?" Kihyun asks teasing his entrance with his tip. 

"Y-yeah, it's ok." Hoseok mumbles and Kihyun immediately pushes in softly. 

"Let me see your face." He asks and Hoseok complies. A smirk of satisfaction forms in the smaller's face when he gets a glimpse of his expression and he starts to quicken his pace.

"Hm- yes." Hoseok moans and holds on to the other's back, pulling him down so his face is hiding in his neck. "Hyung- hyung-" He says quietly and Kihyun's face contorts in confusion, he is definitely not Hoseok's hyung. He let's it pass because the boy is probably still very drunk, but what comes out of Hoseok's mouth next makes him stop dead on his tracks. "H-hyung... won."

"What?!" Kihyun exclaims but his last push in makes Wonho go over the edge and cum to land on both of their chests. Kihyun, on the other hand, has gone soft and pulls out. "What did you just say?" But he gets no reply, Hoseok has already fallen asleep soundly.

It must have been a mistake, he thinks to himself as he sits beside the sleeping boy, but it doesn't make sense to him. He stands up, a million thoughts going through his mind as he looks for a wet cloth to clean his chest and looks at himself in the mirror of their bathroom. When he walks back to their room Hoseok has moved to laid on his side and covered his naked body with their blanket. He puts on a pair of boxers and lays beside him, the older instantly cuddles to his side seeking for his warmth. Kihyun stays motionless and for the next few hours he has trouble falling asleep.

-

The next morning Hoseok wakes up in a halt, making a run for the bathroom, and waking Kihyun up in the process. He stands up and goes to the bathroom too where he finds Hoseok puking, he stares at him from afar.

"I feel horrible." Hoseok says sitting down on the floor, he looks at his dirty chest and makes a face of disgust. "I can't remember anything from last night."

"We were having sex, and you fell asleep." He doesn't mention the incident, for now. "I even had to finish myself off." Hoseok's face and ears turn crimson red.

"I-im sorry ..." He says really embarrassed.

"It's ok." He gives him a quick small smile. "I'll change the covers, you can wash up."

"Okay." 

Hoseok takes a really quick shower and when he walks back out he finds Kihyun organizing their pillows. He walks behind him and wraps his arms around his waist, his face goes to his neck and he presses a small kiss there. Kihyun turns around in his embrace and looks at him with an expression that Hoseok can't read. 

"I love you." He says softly and nuzzles his nose against Kihyun's. He knows the smaller man is unfazed by soft actions, unlike himself, but he's feeling extremely clingy and sick at the moment so he needs some affection. 

"Do you?" Kihyun asks seriously, he brings his hand up to Hoseok's neck and rubs lightly on his nape. 

"Of course I do." He answers and leans in for a kiss. 

The soft gesture quickly heats up, Hoseok grabbing Kihyun's face by the cheeks and moving his lips hungrily, but the smaller man pulls away. "What's wrong? L-let me make it up to you, about last night." Kihyun is still looking at him with that strange face, but eventually he gives in and kisses Hoseok. 

He places both hands on the older's nape and fists on his hair, then he roams them down his body and squeezes his ass. "Mine." Kihyun thinks to himself before walking them backwards to the bed. 

-

"I can't believe I'll have to shower again." Hoseok says tiredly laying half on top of Kihyun. 

"Let's do it together." He smaller answers petting his scalp. "Or you could just go out like this." He adds with a chuckle, his confidence is boosted after Hoseok's behavior in bed just minutes before. He convinces himself that the Hyungwon incident was just a drunken mistake, he's the only man in Hoseok's mind and heart. Plus, Hoseok and Hyungwon have been friends for ages, if something were to happen it would've happened a long time ago. 

"Disgusting." Hoseok says with a chuckle and Kihyun smiles.

"We'll have breakfast afterwards." He looks at their bedside clock. "Or brunch." 

"My stomach feels disgusting but I'll try." He answers and looks for his phone. "The boys are out, Wonie says they can wait for us to eat. It's nearby."

"Great, I don't have to cook then." He moves his body to tower Hoseok. "Who you texting?" He asks noticing Hoseok's rapid typing. 

"Hyungwon still."

"Hmm." He leans down to lay his head on Hoseok's chest and listens to his calm heartbeat for a moment. "Hey, pay attention to me." He says, noticing how Hoseok continues to text Hyungwon. He moves back up and places his head in the older's line of vision, Hoseok chuckles and puts his phone away. 

Kihyun leans down and places a brief kiss on his lips, then travels down his cheek and stays where Hoseok's head meets his neck. He nibbles and sucks harshly on the area. 

"W-what are you doing?" Hoseok asks surprised. 

"I love you." Kihyun whispers against the new purple mark. 

"Baby, what was that for?" He escapes from under Kihyun and stands up to look at himself in the mirror. "How am I supposed to cover this now?" 

"Don't cover it." Kihyun says pleased, still laying down, arms crossed behind his head.

-

"Why are you wearing a scarf?" Minhyuk had to ask loudly as soon as Hoseok entered the place. “It’s not that cold anymore.”

"Personal reasons." Hoseok asks, his ears turning red, and Kihyun chuckles. 

He takes a seat beside Hyungwon and Kihyun next to him at the end of the table. 

"Hi." He greets Hyungwon cheerfully. 

"Hey." He answers with a wide smile. "How are you feeling?" 

"Horrible." He throws his head dramatically on his shoulder for reassurance. Hyungwon pats his head. "Hangover is killing me." The other's don't even bat an eyelash at their interaction, it's pretty common between them. But, due to recent events, Kihyun feels a bit bothered and can't take his eyes off the pair. 

"I can imagine. You came back really late." Then he adds. "What's the scarf for?" Hoseok' s cheeks heat up. 

"Ki was feeling cheeky this morning." He says embarrassed. From his side, Hyungwon looks at Hoseok's neck and notices a big purple mark peeking from under the fabric. He moves his hand away from Hoseok's hair and starts a conversation with the other boys to stop his head from filling with jealous thoughts.

Hoseok eventually removes his head from Hyungwon’s shoulder and joins the conversation, but Kihyun’s thoughts were driving him crazy. He couldn’t stop overanalyzing the way his boyfriend looked at the other man, the way he laughed at his jokes, the little touches they shared. The weirdest thing was that none of this was new or out of the normal, it’s just that Kihyun never noticed or cared about just how close they were. Without noticing he had drifted from the conversation, only having talked when they called the waiter to order.

“Kihyun, you are strangely quiet today.” Changkyun points out and all eyes turn to him.

“Hmm?” 

“Are you ok?” Hyungwoo asks.

“Yeah of course, just a little bit tired.”

“Well, it’s valid. You two were out until pretty late. You woke up really late too.” Minhyuk says with a hint of cheekiness in his tone and the table bursts in laughter. Hyungwon only laughs softly and Hoseok looks down, his cheeks turning pink once again. 

Kihyun is wearing a confident smile on his face and his hand goes to Hoseok’s thigh under the table. He immediately feels the older place his on top and intertwine their fingers. He turns to look at him and is a bit taken aback by how soft his eyes are. Hoseok always looks at him this way, it fascinates him, and he’s smiling so widely. It makes him feel guilty for doubting him, but he can't help it. 

“I'm really glad you guys are back together.” Jooheon mentions taking the last sip from his drink. “It was really desperating having you two fight. A link of the chain was broken.”

“Ok composer.” Changkyun says nagging and they all chuckle.

“But seriously, I'm really glad for you. It’s nice seeing you both happy again.”

“Thank you.” Kihyun answers truthfully, really trying to push his toxic thoughts aside.

-

“Baby, I'm going out with Hyungwon.” Hoseok says later that night standing up from his place laying beside Kihyun who was resting against the headboard. They were in bed, Hoseok on his phone and the other reading. Kihyun places his book down and looks up at him from the top of his glasses.

“Where to?” 

“I don’t know, just around.”

“When will you be back? We have schedule tomorrow.”

“I don’t know…” He answers confused as to why is Kihyun asking so many questions out of nowhere. “Is anything wrong?”

“Are you bored? Do I bore you?”

“Baby, what are you talking about?” He looks at him worriedly. 

“Stay here.” He kneels on the bed, moving closer to the edge. “Come here.” Hoseok walks toward him slowly and Kihyun wraps his arms behind his lower back. “Stay here…” He presses kisses along his neckline and starts to suck lightly on the almost faded mark on his neck. Hoseok hisses at the sting of pain and Kihyun pulls away to kiss him hungrily. 

“K-kihyun.” He pulls away. “Are you ok?” He looks at him with innocent eyes and Kihyun feels like shit. 

“Yeah.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Im- It’s ok.” 

“I c-could stay if you really want me to.” Hoseok answers but Kihyun knows he’s not being honest and he can sense the sadness in his tone.

“No.” He lays back down. “I’ll finish this book, go have fun.” He looks at him and flashes a small smile.

“You sure?” The smaller man nods. “Ok then.” And he’s back to smiling widely. “I’ll take a quick shower. Be right back.”

Kihyun continues reading until he hears the water running. He drops the book again and lets out a deep sigh. What the fuck was that? He’s really going crazy. Hoseok’s phone dings on his side and he stares at it with interest. 

Could something be going on? His mind can’t help but wander to last night. He had tried hard to suppress the memory but the way Hoseok moaned Hyungwon’s name seemed so… He doesn’t have a word to describe it. It was so surreal, the pleasure on his tone while mouthing someone else's name. He tried to fool himself, but he can’t find a logical answer as to how could that be a mistake. What if Hoseok really had feelings for his best friend? What if… they were having an affair.

All this time he had never thought of that, but now it crossed his mind and he couldn’t go back. He takes Hoseok’s phone in his hands and unlocks it with his fingerprint since they have it set on each other’s phones in case of emergencies. This was not an emergency but Kihyun pushes his guilt aside and enters Hyungwon’s chat. In there he finds nothing more that stupid jokes and casual conversations though his head pounds at every “love you Wonie” he encounters. He’s about to reach the texts from the times where they were broken up when Hyungwon’s status changes to online. Kihyun quickly exits the app before he reads the last texts Hoseok sent him and locks the phone, placing it back on the bed. The sound of the shower ceases not long after and a dripping wet Hoseok walks out. 

Kihyun pretends to have been reading all this time and stays unfazed while Hoseok changes. The older boy finishes quickly and places his keys, phone and wallet in a bag he found nearby. 

“I’ll take this” He says referring to the bag, apparently it’s Kihyun. 

“Yeah, no problem.” He answers, eyes focused on the book but he feels a weight beside him and Hoseok's face pops in front of the pages.

“I love you.” He says pecking his lips. 

“I love you too, Hoseok.” He captures his lips again. “Believe it or not, I really do.” He says serious.

“You’re so strange today. Are you sure everything's okay?” But Kihyun just kisses him again. 

“Have fun.”

-

Hoseok comes back home really late, him and Hyungwon a mess of giggles as they sneak in through the front door. Everyone’s asleep, except Kihyun, who is waiting for them sitting on a kitchen stool.

He was ok the first few hours, but his mind kept wandering and wandering to the worst case scenarios as time went by. 

“Fuck, you scared me.” Hyungwon murmurs when he notices the smaller man. 

“It’s late.” He says in a serious tone, his eyes fixed on Hoseok.

“A little bit yeah.” Hoseok says playful but his smile fades with Kihyun’s expression. 

“We have an interview tomorrow. We should rest.” Kihyun states and both boys look at him confused. It’s not the first time they hang out until late and they have something to do almost every day anyways so it’s not like they’re not used to going to sleep really late at night.

“I’m sorry.” Hoseok says looking down and Hyungwon’s blood boils. 

“You didn't think about that when you made him stay out until really late yesterday at the club. And we had dance practice this afternoon.” He spits before his brain can catch up. 

Kihyun is taken a aback, Hyungwon has a point and he has been caught. He tried to wait a few days for his thoughts to be a little bit more organized but he thinks he’ll go crazy if he keeps them in for a longer period of time.

“Hoseok, we need to talk.” He turns around without giving them a second glance and walks to their bedroom. Hoseok follows close behind. Hyungwon is left with a puzzled expression.

“Baby… What’s wrong?” Hoseok closes the door softly behind himself. “I knew you were acting strange all day but I can't understand why.” He says worriedly.

Kihyun is pacing back and forth around the room, his hands running through his own hair and face.

“Hoseok, don’t you remember anything about last night?” He asks standing in front of him.

“Kinda yes, but after the last drink everything’s a blur.” Kihyun sighs. “What’s wrong? What happened? Did I do something?”

“You really can’t remember anything after we got home?!” Kihyun asks now a bit more altered. Hoseok’s eyes widen.

“N-no, I can’t… Is-s this about me falling asleep?” He asks embarrassed, he looks mortified but Kihyun can’t handle his feelings. Something inside his brain is telling him to keep going, to keep pushing. 

“Hoseok.” He pauses. “Shit I don’t even know how to bring this up.” He says frustrated.

“You’re scaring me.”

“Last night… While we were having sex, you started calling me hyung.” Hoseok looks at him confused, Kihyun walks closer. “I was taken a aback, since you are clearly older than me.”

“I was too drunk I-”

“Don’t interrupt me, I haven’t finished.” He cuts in.

“I’m sorry.”

“I was very confused but then, I realized it was not “hyung” you were chanting, but an incomplete name.” Immediately after saying this Hoseok’s eyes widen like plates. “That expression, I don’t like that expression Hoseok.”

“Baby…” He gets interrupted again.

“Don’t call me baby. Why Hoseok? Why did you moan out Hyungwon’s name in bed?” His question is followed by a sepulchral silence. Hoseok’s eyes instantly fill with tears and Kihyun’s heart drops low. “Please don’t tell me I'm right.”

“K-kihyun…” 

“Do you love him? Is that it?” Kihyun asks.

“Of course not, not romantically. I love you Kihyun, I-”

“But why Hoseok? Why did you moan out his name while I was pounding into you and why are you crying right now? I was hoping you would laugh or scream at me for being stupid why are you crying Hoseok, what happened?” He rants.

“N-nothing happened.” 

“You’re lying. You’re fucking lying to me right in front of my face.”

“Kihyun I swear it was nothing.” Hoseok blurts out and covers his mouth immediately after noticing the way he worded that sentence may have given everything away. “I meant that nothin happ-”

“Just tell me.” Kihyun says expressionless, he is unfazed by Hoseok’s sobs. “Lee Hoseok, tell me what happened.”

“Kihyun…”

“Should I ask Hyungwon then?” Kihyun asks. 

“No, please. Let’s talk.” He grabs onto his arm.

“I’m trying to talk but all you do is cry and you’re making me anxious. Be a man and speak up.” Hoseok lets out a cry at the harsh words. “I’ll talk to Hyungwon then.” 

He starts walking towards the door and opens it to find Hyungwon standing close to their room trying to listen what was happening inside. His eyes widen and he tries to run to his room but Kihyun grabs him by the arm and pulls him back towards himself.

“Hi Hyungwon, please don’t leave. I bet you can help me.” He let’s go of his arm. “Since you’ve been listening to everything can you please answer my question?”

“I heard nothing…” He wasn’t lying, no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t even get a peek of their conversation. When he notices the older man bawling his eyes out behind the smaller an he goes alert. “What’s wrong? Why is Hoseok crying?”

“I don’t know either, I was hoping you could help me understand.” Kihyun says with a cynical tone. 

“H-hyungwon p-please go back to your room, baby let’s talk… please come back inside.” He says mortified.

“What would you think, Hyungwon, if your boyfriend drunkenly moaned out his best friend’s name while you two were having sex?” Hyungon’s eyes widen.

“K-kihyun…”

“Please fucking answer me before I think the worse has already happened.” He stares straight into Hyungwon’s eyes but Hyungwon can only focus on Hoseok pleading him not to talk in the back. No matter how much he wants to rub it into Kihyun’s face, he’s still in love with Hoseok, so if he tells him to be quiet then he’ll be. 

“Kihyun please look at me.” Hoseok pleas pulling on his shirt as he gets on his knees.

“Hoseok…” Hyungwon says softly when he sees the man kneeling. Kihyun turns around too.

“W-we slept together.” Hoseok says. “When you broke up with me, we had sex once, only once.”

Kihyun feels his world crumbling down. His face, looking down at Hoseok turns from surprise to rage to disgust.

“You had sex with him… We were broken up for two weeks Hoseok. How? Why?”

“I felt alone… And-”

“I felt alone too.” He cuts in.

“But you’re the one that dumped him and didn’t try to get him back.” Hyungwon says from behind the scene.

“Do you like him?” Kihyun asks turning around to look at him.

“I don’t.” He says so firmly it almost sounds real.

“Me neither baby, I only have eyes for you-”

“But you were moaning out his name last night Hoseok.” He says pushing the older’s hands away from where he’s grabbing on to his clothes. “I can’t believe while I was being eaten alive for our separation you were having fun and fucking our bandmate in our own house. You’re a whore Hoseok.” 

“Kihyun-” He cries.

“Hey! Stop it!” Hyungwon adds in. “You have no right to talk to him like that.” He adds bewildered.

“Who do you love Hoseok?” He asks him seriously.

“You.” He answers immediately, without a doubt. 

Kihyun stays silent, his eyes traveling from the crying boy on the floor to the angry one standing behind him. 

“I can’t even bear to look at you two right now.” He says and walks past Hoseok to enter their room. 

“Kihyun-” He quickly stands up but the other closes the door on his face, he can hear the lock turning. 

Hoseok breaks down crying, they have been able to keep it down all this time but the cries now leaving the older man’s mouth are too loud.

“Hoseok… Keep it down. You’re gonna wake the others up.” Hyungwon whispers crouching down next to him.

“W-what am I supposed to do now Hyungwon?” He asks heartbroken.

“He’s just shocked, you two weren’t together. He’s the one that broke up with you and made you feel like shit. Never forget that.” He wipes his tears with his thumb.

“Everything’s my fault, I’m so stupid and a whore.”

“Hoseok!” Hyungwon whisper shouts. “Get it together!”

“You don’t get it Hyungwon, you’re single, you have nothing to lose. I can’t lose Kihyun, I can’t lose him...” 

“But if you blame yourself we’ll have to stay apart and I can’t lose you.” Hyungwon thinks to himself but doesn’t say it. Before he can speak again Hoseok stands up from the floor and walks towards his bedroom door, he starts knocking and calling out Kihyun’s name quietly.

“I don’t understand why you always have to be the one to humiliate yourself when nothing is ever your fault.” Hyungwon says quietly.

“Are you seriously saying this not my fault?!” Hoseok exclaims turning to look at him. “Im the one that started this, Im the one that decided to keep it a secret and Im the one who started moaning another man’s name while being intimate with my boyfriend; everything’s my fault, im a piece of shit!”

“For fuck’s sake Hoseok! Have you forgotten the way he treated you? How he tossed you like trash and gave you the cold shoulder? You two were broken up, keeping it a secret maybe was a mistake, but the moaning incident was not your fault either. Plus he’s the one that shoved alcohol down your throat until you lost your sanity.” 

“Just leave me alone!” Hoseok cries. “I just want my boyfriend back, I need him to forgive me.” He says looking miserable.

Hyungwon is taken aback, Hoseok is way too dependant of Kihyun and it’s just heartbreaking to see how deep the smaller man is engraved in Hoseok’s brain that he can’t realize how he’s being manipulated and guilt tripped. In the state he’s in it’ll be impossible to reason with him so he gives up.

“I’ll leave you alone then.” He says and walks to his room without another word. The last thing he sees before closing his door is Hoseok sitting down on the floor, his head resting on his own bedroom door as he cries his eyes out. 

-

The next morning Hoseok is woken up by the sound of a door creaking open and then footsteps coming closer. It’s obviously Kihyun, he’s the one that wakes up the earliest, and as soon as he sees Hoseok his face scrunches.

“K-kihyun…” 

“Don’t.” He says firmly but Hoseok is already walking towards him.

“Kihyun baby, I'm sorry for keeping it from you. I swear it meant nothing.” But he gets no reply, Kihyun just walks past him and opens the fridge; probably going to cook breakfast. “I love you Kihyun, I c-can’t live without you, let’s talk this through…” He says quietly but the only thing he gets is silence.

One by one the other boys start to wake up, Hoseok tries his hardest to act normal and not cry in front of the others. Hyungwon and Minhyuk are the last ones to appear. 

“Kihyun, my love, have I told you that I love you?” Minhyuk says enthusiastically as he eyes the food.

“Every morning I cook breakfast, yes.” Kihyun says with a chuckle acting as if nothing was wrong. Hoseok hold back his tears but the look on his face is starting to give away his state. Hyungwon walks closer to him but when he’s about to tell him something the older walks towards Kihyun. 

“Kihyun, please…”

“Leave me the fuck alone or I’m gonna tell everyone what you did.” He says quietly, Hyungwon is in shock. “Go fuck your new boyfriend or something, I couldn’t care less.” 

Hyungwon notices how Hoseok is about to break down so he quickly grabs him by the arm and pulls him out the door. 

“We’re getting some snacks.” He calls out, the others don’t question it. 

“You’re making things worse Hyungwon! Did you see how he just broke up with me again?! He’s gonna think we truly have something going on!” Hoseok says breaking away from his grip when they’re far away from the door. 

“Then what am I supposed to do?! How do you expect me to witness that and do nothing about it?! Should I just leave you on your own, is that what you want me to me do?!” He says angrily. They stay in silence for a couple of seconds and he turns around to walk back into their apartment when a soft hand wraps around his wrist.

“D-don’t leave me.” He pleas and of course Hyungwon can’t resist to that. “I c-can’t lose your friendship too.”

“You won’t, you never will.” He says pulling him into a hug. He let’s the older man cry in his chest for a few minutes.

“Until everything’s settled let’s keep it low in front of Kihyun.” He says wiping his face and Hyungwon nods understanding. It’s probably the best thing to do at the moment. “I’ll go back inside.”

“Do that, take a shower and calm down. I’ll get whatever from the store so the boys won’t ask many questions.”

“You’re the best Wonie, I love you. I’m sorry for screaming at you.” He says, bottom lip trembling. “Everything's my fault...”

“It’s not, but don’t worry, I know you must feel very stressed at the moment. It was a bit insensitive of me to drag you out like that.”

“Don’t worry.” He gives him a faint smile and walks back to their dorm. 

-

The evening passes by and the tension between the three boys goes unnoticed by the other members. The interview goes by smoothly, Hoseok making an attempt to look good and participate in the conversation so fans won’t notice he’s sad. He thinks about interacting with Kihyun, knowing the older won’t have a choice but to correspond in front of the cameras, but he’s too embarrassed to do so. 

When they get back home Kihyun goes straight to his room and Hoseok shyly follows behind him before the other man can close the door. They stay in sepulchral silence, and even though Hoseok hates it, he knows going to Hyungwon’s and Minhyuk’s room would only bring trouble. He quietly undresses until he’s completely naked, looks for lighter clothes and goes take a shower. When he closes the door behind himself Kihyun lets out a deep sigh. 

“I’m getting some ramen. P-please don’t lock the door, I don’t want to sleep on the couch.”

“Why don’t you go sleep with your boyfriend?”

“That’s what I’m trying to do.” His eyes fill with tears.

“I am not your boyfriend.”

“Stop breaking up with me, it hurts me so much to hear you say that.” He cries. “Just let me talk to you, let me explain.”

But Kihyun only ignores him and walks towards their bathroom to take a shower too. Hoseok wipes his tears and goes outside to the kitchen. He starts boiling up some water when Hyungwon sits on a stool in front of him. 

“Ramen?” Hoseok nods. “Make some for me too, please.” Hoseok nods again. “How are you?”

“Well, surprisingly he is talking to me, in some occasions. Not like last time.”

“Hmm, I’m glad.” He says understanding. “But how are you?”

“Very hurt.” He looks at him in the eyes. “The things he says to me Wonie.. I think I really messed up.” Hyungwon runs a hand through his hair, not knowing what to reply. It bothers him how one of his best memories together is causing Hoseok so much pain at the moment. Maybe it was not their best decision, but as selfish as it sounds, if he could turn back time he would do it anyway. Kihyun doesn’t deserve Hoseok anyways. 

They eat their noodles in silence which breaks when the other boys come back from eating out. 

“Kihyun! Your sushi!” Hyungwoo shouts and the smaller boy finally comes out of his room. 

“Thanks hyung!” He says cheerfully and sits on the couch to eat. 

“Can we go out tonight?” Hoseok texts Hyungwon from across him. “After everyone’s asleep, I need to clear my head.”

“Count me in.” Hyungwon replies and sends him a small smile. 

“Thank you for always being here for me.”

“Stop thanking me.” He sends and places his phone back on the kitchen counter. 

-

“Why did you tell me to go out if you were gonna be all sulky anyways?” Hyungwon asks Hoseok softly, a hand running through the boy’s messy hair as tears run down his cheeks. He’s resting his head on his forearms on top of the table of some nearby cafeteria. The older doesn’t answer, so Hyungwon let’s him be. “Do you want something to drink? It’s on me.” The other boy perks up a little.

“Frappe.” He answers lightly. 

“I’ll be back.” He says standing up. 

When he comes back with the drink they start a conversation that lasts hours. Of course, it starts being about Kihyun, but eventually they drift to other topics. They talk about their past experiences, their struggles, their future plans, it really becomes a deep conversation that both of them needed to have with someone. 

“I really can’t live without you Chae Hyungwon. Really, even if you hate it, I have to thank you for everything.” 

“You really don’t have to but I’ll take it.”

“And I’m sorry once again for dragging you into all this. And don’t tell me it’s not my fault or I’ll punch you.”

“It’s not your fault.” He says without hesitation and pushes his hair behind his ears, offering his cheek to Hoseok for a punch. The older giggles and they stare into each other’s eyes for way too long. Hyungwon wants to kiss him and thoughts of confessing run through his mind but he knows it would take him nowhere. After all, he can’t live without Hoseok either, so if he ever damages their friendship he would never forgive himself. 

They walk home in silence and when they reach the door Hoseok is scared but, even though it would bring him trouble, hopeful that that he might find Kihyun waiting for him at the living room. He doesn’t, but at least when he turns the doorknob to his room it’s not locked, that brings him a little bit of joy.

The next two weeks go by like this, the other boys sometimes notice a little bit of tension between the couple but they say nothing. Hoseok and Hyungwon go out almost every night to hang out, since they avoid doing it in front of the smaller boy. It’s very exhausting but they’re getting used to it. 

Today, it’s almost midnight, everyone is resting in their rooms, when Hyungwon texts Hoseok.

“Where we going today?” He asks.

“I can’t today, I’m sorry.” He answers quickly.

“???” Hyungwon sends next, but the older has gone offline. Hyungwon let’s him be, he figures he’s probably feeling really bad and not in the mood to go out tonight. He’s pretty tired himself too so he goes to sleep right away and decides he will question the other tomorrow. 

-

Hoseok had just finished taking a shower, he puts on some light clothes and lays down on his bed scrolling through his phone. His looking for a place he could visit tonight with Hyungwon. After a while he notices Kihyun is taking too long to come back to their bedroom, he remembers everyone going to their rooms after they had dinner, so what could possibly he be doing all alone? Had he gone out? 

He tip toes outside and finds their living room in complete darkness, he did go out apparently. He gets himself a glass of water and after gulping it down he walks back to his room when a quiet noise coming from the guest’s bathroom that they barely use catches his attention. 

He walks closer and slowly turns on the doorknob. Inside he finds Kihyun, sat on the floor, knees to his chest, crying softly. He clears his throat to make the smaller boy notice him, he looks up and instantly wipes his face. 

“Please leave.” He says firmly but Hoseok closes the door, locking it, and sits with his back against it on the floor. 

“Baby-”

“Don’t.”

“Please Kihyun, let me talk to you.” The smaller guy stays quiet, so he continues. “I know I made a mistake, I’m not saying I didn’t a-and you gotta believe me when I say I regret it deeply. I didn’t tell you about it because I didn’t want you to think wrongly of Hyungwon, I feel nothing more than brotherly love for him.”

“People don’t fuck their brothers.”

“I know, it was a mistake. I was very alone a-and I honestly thought you would never take me back.” He says as tears run down his face. 

“Of course I was gonna take you back.” He answers crying too. “I love you, stupid.”

“B-but you weren’t talking to me, shit Kihyun you weren’t even looking at me. How was I supposed to know? Plus it didn’t happen straight away, I was in a very vulnerable state, I was ready to give you up.”

“When did it happen?” 

“T-the night before we got back together.”

“After the restaurant?”

“Y-yeah. Your eyes were so cold back in that bathroom, I had no hope in us anymore. But you looked so good, and I missed you so much, I couldn’t help but get a bit excited… I’m so ashamed.” He breaks down in sobs. 

After a moment of no communication, only Hoseok’s cries and Kihyun’s sniffles filling the room, the smaller man speaks up. 

“Im sorry. For pushing you to that.”

“It was all my fault.”

“You had your fault, but I didn’t take good care of you either. I mistreated you so badly you turned to him for comfort, that’s my fault.” 

“We have gone out, all of these days, Hyungwon and I. I don’t want to keep stuff from you anymore.”

“Gone out where?” He asks serious.

“Cafes, cafeterias, ice cream parlors; just anywhere I could cry, rant and stuff my face with food.” 

“Do you really not like him?” Hoseok crawls towards him and takes his hand, placing it on top of his chest.

“My heart only skips for you Yoo Kihyun, can’t you understand?” He breaks his hold but Kihyun’s hand lingers there. “I know I fucked up, and I know I probably don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I am begging you to take me back. I love you and I c-can't live without you.” More tears fill his eyes and the other boy is quick to wipe them. The soft action only makes Hoseok cry harder, but this time of relieve.

Kihyun’s hand moves up to hold the back of his neck and he pulls closer until their foreheads are touching. 

“It’s gonna take a while, for me to forget it. My blood boils just thinking about you giving yourself to somebody else, it eats me inside to think about him roaming his hands through your body. You moaning his name...”

“It was guilt eating me alive, that’s why I moaned his name.” Hoseok answers.

“Imagining his lips on yours, him inside you…”

“Let’s forget it, together. We can make many more memories, you and I, let’s overwrite those ones with our own. I’m yours Kihyun, only yours, ever since I met you and for the rest of my life if you let me. I love you.” 

Kihyun answers by bringing their lips together in a desperate kiss that Hoseok returns without hesitation. They grab each other’s faces and Kihyun moves his legs so Hoseok can nestle between them, their bodies flushed together. A kiss filled with sadness, disappointment, rage, possessiveness, love, forgiveness, lust. 

“I love you.” Kihyun whispers when they finally pull apart. “But I have one condition.” He says caressing the older’s face.

“Whatever you want from me, it’s yours.” Hoseok says without hesitation.

-

“Hi there.” Hyungwon says cheerfully, plopping down in front of Hoseok at one of their usual cafes, they’re sitting a bit further away today though. “Why are we meeting in broad daylight today?”

“Kihyun and I got back together.” He says with a small smile. 

“Seriously? I’m glad for you Seok.” He says truthfully, he has come to terms with the fact that Hoseok’s only happiness is Kihyun and he can’t change that. “And how did that go?”

“Let’s say I was benefited by the situation and could get him to listen to me.”

“So, everything’s ok?” Hyungwon asks but implies something else. “I assume yes, since you’re here.”

“A-actually…” He says quietly, looking down. 

“Should I talk to him?” Hoseok shakes his head. “Then what’s wrong?”

“He gave me a condition.” He says almost inaudible.

“What? I can’t hear you.”

“He gave me a condition, for us to get back together.” He says louder and looking up. His eyes are a bit glossy and Hyungwon fears where this conversation is going. It can’t be, right?

“What was it?” He asks neutral.

“Y-you know. Our friendship… He doesn’t feel comfortable about it anymore.”

“Are you kidding me?” He asks dumbfounded.

“Hyungwon…”

“Hoseok. Believe me, up to some point, I get it. But this is ridiculous. If you explained, w-why does it bother him? We have been best friends before you even started dating, even before we were in the same band!”

“I’m sorry, Hyungwon.”

“You’re gonna do what he tells you to?” He asks disappointed.

“I c-can’t lose him Wonie…”

“And what about me?! Just a few days ago you were telling me how much our friendship meant to you and how you couldn’t live without me, why didn’t you fight for that?!”

“He may have gotten the wrong idea.”

“Damn, what is he so insecure about?! He has you eating from his fucking palm, he has completely brainwashed you into this… this dependant being!”

“Hyungwon, please…”

“No, Hoseok, I’ve had enough. For years I’ve been your shoulder to cry on, and now you come to me with this shit.”

“W-we can still talk, we just can’t like do much in public.”

“For fuck’s sake Hoseok, what stupidity is that?! I played along while you two were mad at each other because I didn't want him to snap at you but you can’t expect me to live like this forever!”

“Then I’m sorry.” He says as tears roll down his cheeks. 

“I can’t believe this…”

“And I can’t believe I have to choose between you too!” He snaps in between cries.

“Why are you screaming at me for that?! He’s literally the one making you do this, and you’re letting him!”

“Im sorry…” He repeats lowering his voice again and wiping under his eyes. Hyungwon wants to reach out and touch him, comfort him, but he can’t. He’s too mad and frustrated. “I love you Hyungwon, forever. Never forget it.”

“No you don’t.” He says standing up, he can’t take it anymore.

“Where are you going?” Hoseok asks with wide eyes.

“I’m leaving.” He takes his phone and wallet from the table. “And unlike your precious boyfriend I won’t make you suffer just to manipulate you to do what I want. I’m leaving for good. You’ve made your decision and I’m gonna respect that, I hope you respect mine.”

“Hyungwon…” He cries out but the taller man has already walked away. 

He wishes Hoseok would run after him, grab his arm and beg him to stay as he did with Kihyun, but he doesn’t. Tears start to well up in Hyungwon’s eyes as he walks further away, but he doesn’t let them fall. He feels betrayed, disappointed, used and then discarded.

In that moment, all of the love, affection and fondness build up in his heart for Hoseok over the years was breaking apart, the now empty space filling with resentment and bitterness. It broke his heart that everything had to end like this.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, it's been more than two and a half years since I wrote the first part of this series that was not supposed to be a series. For some reason this story has always stayed in the back of my mind so this year I finally gathered the courage and took some of my time out to write a continuation. 
> 
> I haven't posted a fanfic in a long time so if you're reading this for the first time you may have noticed how my way of writing has changed a little, but I hope it's not too uncomfortable and that the story flows nicely; I tried my best and read it many times to try and take a grasp of it. 
> 
> Anyways, sorry for any inaccuracies, specially with timelines; and as I said back in 2017 rememeber this is just fiction and it was just a way of challenging myself to write something that is not necessarily perfect or has a happy ending. Hope you enjoy it!


End file.
